The Politician's Speech

During my school and college days, I was fortunate to have a bunch of good friends. One of our favorite past times was sharing jokes. One popular joke was about a politician, a minister of something, who loved giving long speeches.

Once this politician, went to one of the third world countries on a friendly mission. As part of the mission he had to address a large gathering of people and pass the message of goodwill and friendship of his country. Before being seated on the podium, the minister hugged the local dignitaries with such warmth as if they were his childhood “buddies”.

After the master of ceremonies introduced him to the crowd, the minister began his speech with his usual “elan”. He thanked the dignitaries for inviting him to their great country and how he was happy to be in their midst. There was clapping from the dignitaries on the podium. There were scattered clapping and faint murmur from the crowd.

The minister then got into his charismatic demeanor with his outstretched hands and benevolent smile, he started his long monologue in a hushed tone, “I bring good news to you! The good news is, I am extending my hands of friendship to you, to redeem you from your poverty, your squalor and misery”. The people in the crowd stared at him with grim faces, but there were some murmurs, a little louder than before. The minister thought he heard the people chant what sounded like “Oom Galagala”. The minister thought to himself “hmm...that is good, the crowd is warming up to my speech”.

He continued, his voice rising few decibels, “I can understand your hopelessness, your desperation, because I have been there. I perfectly understand what it means to live in such misery”. The minister paused for his message to sink in. More people joined in chanting of “Oom Galagala”. Some grim faces broke up into broad smiles as they chanted. The minister was extremely pleased. Glancing around, left to right, right to left, the minister said to himself with a pleased smile, “now I got them where I wanted”.

The minister was sweating profusely from the extreme heat but it did not deter him, he continued with his long speech, every now then mopping his face and forehead. He started telling the crowd about his great philanthropic work, his caring for the poor and the downtrodden and innumerable development work. He went on to churning out string of his success stories back home. Every time he paused, the crowd went into rapturous chanting of “Oom Galagala” which got louder every time he paused. 

Soon the whole crowd joined in, some clapping in excitement, some thumping the person next to them on the shoulder or their arms. Even the dignitaries on the podium could not control themselves any longer, they too joined in, chuckling with every chorus of chanting.

Finally, the minister decided to stop as one of his aides was signalling him about time. The minister was very pleased with himself at the impact he had created with the crowd. He thanked the crowd for their patience. As the minister sat down, he asked the dignitary sitting next to him, what “Oom Galagala” meant. 

The dignitary answered, covering his mouth, trying to suppress his laughter, “it means, bullshit”!

The Third Obsession

The mass adulation and the crazy fan following that the film stars and cricketers enjoy in India is perhaps unmatched anywhere in the world. The size and richness of businesses connected with these two passions can be matched by no other business in the world.

There is a third unquenchable obsession, it is called "reality show". When you surf the Indian television channels any time of the day, more often than not, you are bound to come across one or more reality shows being aired.  It may be a musical show, a talent show or a comedy show, most often offering millions of rupees as prize money for the participants. Invariably, you can expect to see the same faces in the panel of judges, either appreciating the talent or giving advice on how to be better or simply laughing their brains out like crazed persons.

The barber shop, where I go for my hair cut, has a television installed in the shop. Most of the time some reality show or the other would be airing on the regional channels. Sometimes it would be an old Malayalam movie or the news. Perhaps it is a good business ploy. While you are waiting for your turn, and if you are not busy on your smart phone, it can keep you engaged.  But the problem starts when it is my turn for the haircut. 

The barber is not that much into reality shows. If it is a movie or the news then he gets very much involved and sometimes very animated. He would get distracted once in a while, either chuckling at a joke or heaving a long sigh at some tragic scene or news or cursing under his breath or muttering his opinion at some news item.

I don’t mind the barber getting a bit of entertainment now and then especially after endless monotonous job of cutting hair. But not when I am sitting in the chair, with the scissors or the razor in his hands precariously hovering around my face and the neck while his attention is wandering somewhere else. It is one of the most scariest moments! It gets scarier if there is some heavy comedy scenes going on. The barber would go into a fit of suppressed laughter with his whole body shaking and the scissors or the razor bobbing up and down near my face. Comedy in some Malayalam movies can be real “rib ticklers”.

Many a times I thought of telling him to concentrate on his job. But then, you cannot mess with a guy holding a razor or scissors in his hands, that is dangerously hovering around your face and your throat. Sometimes I would try a feeble cough or noisy clearing of the throat, but it hardly works. So all I could do is just sit tight, tensed and hoping the barber’s attention would be back to his job.

There is something I have noticed, when we men are at the barber shop how we become meek, docile and submissive, like a lamb or like a puppy. The barber holds your head straight and you keep it straight, he bends the head and you bend it down, he lifts your head up and you lift it up, he tilts your head to the side and you keep it tilted. I am yet to come across a man who says, “I will sit as I like, you please do your job”. So much for the male ego, this is one time when it goes flying out of the window!

A wise man once told me that men develop a “circle of trust” which has in it among others, the barber, the butcher, the dhobi (laundryman) and the family doctor, not particularly in that order. It must be true! Several times the thought crossed my mind, that I should try another barber. But this guy knew exactly how I wanted my haircut, there was no need for me to tell him again and again. So, I go to the same shop, hoping that it is a reality show playing on the television, not a movie or the news.

The Indian News Channels are not far behind when it comes to reality shows. They too have their share of reality shows aplenty. Most often these events turn into a show of mindless shouting and screaming like crazed people. Sometimes these news channels carry their antics to extremes without any consideration for decency or dignity, all in the name of viewer ratings.

Anyone who had followed the events of 26/11 Mumbai attack on television would remember how some news channels turned the whole horrible event into a reality show. These media persons were so consumed with the viewership ratings, to be the first to capture the moments, that they did not even consider it as a national security issue.

When the rescue team was planning out strategy to rescue the people trapped inside the hotel, these channels were telecasting to the entire world revealing details of every tactical move with detailed commentary. Finally, they had to be literally shooed away by the security forces and told not to telecast the strategic move. But by then it was too late. Immediately after that we heard the “boom” of explosives going off and we saw balls of fire engulfing the very side of the hotel the rescue team was planning to enter. Who knows how many lives were lost or endangered because of that unfortunate lapse.

Finally, when a group of men and women were rescued from the burning building, the mass of media persons swooped on the poor victims, ran after them like a mass of crazed people. One woman journalist thrust a huge, red, ugly microphone into the face of a lady from behind and asked “madam, how are you feeling”! The poor lady and others had just been rescued after spending days of horrible moments inside the hotel building, with sounds of explosion and shootings going all around, and this media person ran after them just to be the first person to ask how they were feeling! How the hell did she think they would be feeling! How would she have felt if she was one of the victims trapped inside that hotel for days!

It was one of the most disgusting scenes I have ever witnessed on television. It was so sad and sickening to witness the display of such heartlessness and ruthlessness without any consideration for national security or any empathy for fellow human beings! The funny thing is, after this unfortunate incidences there was not a shred of remorse or regret in these faces, it was business as usual!

Why could not these people understand and appreciate that it was an event of national security, an event where lives were at stake! It seems, things like empathy and consideration for human lives are sacrificed at the altar of viewership ratings and utter sensationalism. As if, everything is a reality show!

Freedom Comes With A Price

Nothing in life comes for free and freedom is no exception. As someone has said, freedom comes with a price, paid through blood, sweat, tears and often with death. Most importantly, it comes with responsibilities and accountability.

India, our beloved country, has come a long way since it was ruled by various kings and rulers. For over two hundred years the country was under the yoke of the colonial power of the mighty British Empire. 

Early revolt against the British was started by Rani Lakshmibai, Mangal Pandey, Dhondu Pant, Ramachandra Pandurang Tope and many others.

Later the freedom struggle was continued relentlessly by Surendranath Banerjee, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi,  Bal Gangadhar Tilak, Lala Lajpat Rai, Gopal Krishna Gokhale, Chandra Shekhar Azad, Bhagat Singh, Jawaharlal Nehru, Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel, Dr. Rajendra Prasad, Subhas Chandra Bose, Sarojini Naidu and many other brave and patriotic Indians. 

Finally, it took the bravery of the frail old man, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi along with others, to dare the mighty British Empire and to tell them to "Quit India". 

Today, after 70 years, as we again celebrate Indian Independence Day, the day of redemption from the British Colonial rule, we should not forget that the freedom of our country did not come for free. It needed sacrifices and struggle of many brave men and women. 

We should cherish and value our precious national freedom. Every citizen of India has the responsibility and accountability to protect the country from evil divisive forces that every now and then try to tear our country apart in the name of religion, community, caste, race, regionalism and ideology. 

Let us not fall into the trap of these hatemongers and merchants of chaos. Let us not let them entrap and ensnare us into believing the distortion of our national history. Let us not let the struggles and sacrifices of our freedom fighters go to waste. 

"Unity in Diversity" is the creed and strength of our nation, that bound every citizen together. It is envy of every other nation in the world. Let us continue to live by that creed. Let us practice and cherish our own chosen faith, culture and ideology in it's own sphere. Let us not malign others.

National freedom does not come for free, it comes with a price. Let us be loyal to our country. Say "NO" to divisive forces. 

"One of the penalties of refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors" - Plato

How do you know!

Humour is everywhere, in that there is irony in just about anything a human does - Bill Nye, American Televison Presenter, Science Communicator, and Mechanical Engineer.

It was one of those visits to the hospital for my routine blood test to be done. While registering for the tests, the clerk asked me for the name of doctor who had referred for the tests. When I said "none", she gave me an incredulous look. I explained that it was my periodic checkup. She added "self" in the doctor's column. The pathologist took the blood sample and told me to come back two hours after having breakfast for the postprandial blood sample. 

I proceeded to the hospital canteen, had a sumptuous breakfast, which was not bad at all. To while away the couple of hours, I entered the outpatient area where I saw plenty of seats available in the large hall. Few people were already awaiting their turn to see the doctor. There were many doors with doctor's names all around the hall. 

I went around looking for newspapers or magazines to while away my time. There was plenty available for the taking. People don't read these things anymore. Actually in public places like hospitals and airports where there is a long wait, you don't really need anything else to occupy yourself. There is plenty of human drama on display if you care to watch. 

I found an empty row of seats and settled down,  making myself comfortable. Few moments later a couple sat in the seats in front of me. The man plonked himself with a thud. The woman sat down, took out her mobile phone and got busy swiping at the screen. The man clasped his hands behind his head, slid deeper into his seat, put one foot over the other and started shaking his foot vigorously. Couple of times the woman paused at what she was doing and gave that "if only I could burn you down" kind of look at him. The man continued with his preoccupation totally oblivious to the woman's glaring. 

After some time the man got up and walked towards one of the unmarked rooms, probably that is where the doctor's assistants were stationed. He came back and while sitting down he said "the doctor is late by couple of hours, it is going to be a long wait for us". The woman gave him an incredulous look and retorted "How do you know? Nonsense! He will be here promptly at 9". With that she went back to her smart phone, continuing with her screen swiping routine. 

How many times have we heard these questions, "How do you know? Who told you?". You are with your friend and someone you knew, especially someone in high position, comes along and you acknowledge each other with a greeting or with a brief chat, and pat comes the million dollar question "how do you know him? ".  How do I know? Just as you know things,  just as you know people! Why should it even surprise you! 

What makes people ask these questions? Perhaps some people either have a questioning attitude towards everything or they have an attitude of "how come you know it when I don't". Whatever the reason, it is quite annoying.

As I sat wondering about it, the man looked towards the woman and her screen swiping routine, looked to the left, then to the right, then got up and went towards the lift. Just then a group of men and women came in and occupied seats in one of the adjacent rows. Someone from the group went towards one of the rooms with a file and came back after sometime. The file passed around few hands, followed by some discussion. Someone took out couple of Tupperware that went around as they helped themselves to the eatable stuff.

I tried to figure out who could be the sick person from that group. They all looked quite gay, no I don't mean as "being gay", they looked gay, jolly, chatting in loud, excited voices. It is interesting how hospital visits have changed over the years. Invariably the patient is accompanied by a battery of well wishers, either family members or friends. 

Even outside the hospital, you can see groups of people perched on the grass lawn in circles. Soon plates pass around and the "toshadaans" (food carriers) are opened and food passes around. It is quite heartening that people are able to find it convenient to accompany a sick friend or family member to the hospital, especially in these times when everyone is so busy with their own personal things. More than a hospital visit, it looks as if they were out for a picnic. No wonder "Health Tourism" has become so popular over the years. 

The man came back holding a packet of chips. He sat down and with slow dramatic actions opened the packet and offered it the woman. She glanced at the packet, looked at the man, and without any response went back to her routine on her smartphone. The man went back to his earlier comfortable posture and started munching the chips. 

Time ticked by and suddenly the woman got animated as if she was woken up from a trance, saying "so much time has passed, hasn't the doctor come in yet?". The man answered coolly without even turning his head "may be it is not 9 o'clock yet". The woman gave him that "if only I could burn you down" kind of look again, got up and went towards the doctor's assistant's room. She came back and sat down muttering "the doctor is late by couple of hours". The man did not even flinch, as if he did not hear a word of what she said. The woman went back to her smart phone, continuing with her "Gorilla arm" routine. 

I couldn't help chuckling to myself at the whole hilarious scene I was witnessing. After a while, I felt my back hurting. The steel benches they have in the out patient area are not bad, but not that comfortable enough for sitting for a long time. You try to settle down comfortably, you keep slipping out of the seat. I got up and went to explore other areas of the hospital where perhaps they had more comfortable seating. 

The Nephrology department looked good, it had plenty of sofas which looked inviting. But the Executive Health Check Up area was more tempting, more grand with plants all around, and beckoning sofas, almost like a reception of a star hotel. So, I decided to wait there and while away the remaining part of my wait, watching some more live human drama.